We finally have a left handed president again.
After 8 years of claustrophobic, ignorant, right-handed actions from our former president, the White House can breathe free again. Like Clinton, and Bush before him, Obama can write history with the elegant flair of a southpaw. So on this momentous day, let us not forget to honor those that are not here to witness this glory, those whose left-handed pushes got us over the hurdles of right-handed hatred to this incredible, unbelievable day...
With love in our hearts, we remember on this glorious day the authors H.G. Wells and Mark Twain, whose southpaw penmanship wrote the stories of our imagination in years long gone. We remember Charlemagne, Julius Caesar, Alexander the Great, and Napoleon Bonaparte, who went above and beyond the call of duty to announce to the world that we left-handers should have...nay...deserve our place as equals in history. We remember Michaelangelo and Leonardo Da Vinci, who used their left hands to show the world beauty and knowledge, the merits of which are still praised. The world would be done a disservice if I didn't mention the gorgeous, left-handed melodies penned and performed by the likes of Judy Garland, Kurt Cobain, Billy Corigan, Phil Collins, Jimmy Hendrix, Issac Hayes, Paul McCartney, Robert Plant, Paul Simon, and of course Tiny Tim. Would the world not be lost if Glenn Frey had been forbade permission to pen "The Heat Is On" in his eloquent left-handed lilt?
And finally on this day, as we all stand looking towards the morning sun, so fondly filled with hope, please gather the world's right hands in your tender, proud, left hands, and take a moment to remember a true civil rights leader. A man whose entire life bore the emotional and physical scars of hatred and intolerance, who in the face of such great adversity rose to such heights that he will be celebrated for countless generations; former president Ronald Regan.
We as a nation need to take a moment to remember that it was he, in grade school, was beaten relentlessly across the knuckles with a ruler for using his God-given leftness. He learned to forge a tolerable version of penmanship with his right hand, but he longed to use his left and often did in his movies. In his opus "The Killers," Mr. Regan even slapped the beautiful Angie Dickenson with a thunderous left, a bold statement that still resonates with all persecuted lefties around the planet. The gumption, the heart, the inner strength it must have taken to rise above this horrible tragedy remains documented for the ages, a feat that someday may have him mentioned in the same breath as Joan Of Arc, the martyr, Ramses II, the pharaoh, Tiberius, the emperor, and Kermit, the frog.
So someday, when stiatistically one in every eight of you look into the eves of your left-handed children, you can tell them that you were there for the change, you were there for the day that we said "ENOUGH OF THE RIGHT!" and YOU did your part to bring the left back. All those tragic days of the side of your palm being covered in ink, the mocking laughter in school as you immediately and accidentally erased everything you just wrote on the blackboard by not having your hand far enough away, every tragic spill from a fascist ladle, every ePen whose sadistic cord was too short, all of these prejudiced, bigotted, handist incidents seem to just fade away into vague memories.
President Obama, I thank you for being the hope and change that we needed. The right-handers had their shot, but now the time grows near for us to take the washcloth of understanding and tolerance to tenderly wipe the face of our nation...and indeed our world. As a tribute to you, this was typed by only my left hand.
I "left" you all,
Ben Quam
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